gradual release, rose - chamomile
This morning after meditation I spent some time thinking about the eclipse that occurred last week. I was awake during the eclipse but did not look up in the sky at the moon and instead chose to feel it from where I was lying in my room.
I have been processing the images, dreams, memories, voices that have been active with me since last weeks eclipse and asking them what they want me to see and saying goodbye to many ideas, beliefs about self and life and voices / phrases/ mantras that need to go. It has left me kind of sleepy.
I went swimming yesterday and ran into a friend at the beach as I was leaving the water. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I decided to get back in to swim with her for a little bit. We talked and talked and suddenly she called my name and called attention to how far out the current had taken us - we realized how far out we were from the shore and began the process of swimming back against a current that was so strong, there was a moment we looked at each other almost as if to question how much strength it would take to return- and as if to decide let’s do this. Part way through the swim my friend expressed how tired her legs were and I talked her through rest, we moved onto our backs and I helped take on some of her weight by pulling her by the arm. When we got to shallow water we both squealed with joy and gratitude and when we got out of the water we thanked the ocean for our safety.
I realized afterwards that part of what helped us get out was a deep trust in the water in ourselves - our trust allowed us to not rush and further exhaust ourselves. We reflected on our conversation in the water and realized that what we experienced felt like a necessary release and cleansing for us both.
I have always heard stories of people having intense experiences getting out of the water and always leaning into trust or a surrender in order to allow it to happen and I while in awe of these stories I hadn’t ever really been able to relate until yesterday.
It felt grounding and freeing to have that deep of a trust.
I had a lot of dreams of home last night and food and cooking and ingredients and when I woke up my meditation took my deeper into some of the meanings of my dream symbols and my relationship to South Carolina. I went to make my bed after meditation and heard myself say to myself “ Charmaine you know these things that you need to release, reckon with them and let them go!” And then I heard myself say to myself “release is gradual.”
I felt so grateful for that softness with myself - softness not in a way that doesn’t make space for me to let go of and do the spiritual work necessary to transform and transmute painful things that have happened to me in my past but a softness that allows me to have patience with myself and a gentle firmness. I once had a friend tell me just that “Be gentle with yourself, but firm.”
the herbs/ plants/ fruits that i’ve been sitting with for the past month:
orange rind tea: i’ve been drinking orange rind tea before bed and even throughout the day for a soothing that feels bright and that lights up an inner joy and calm.
rose petals, red raspberry leaf, lavender, chamomile: i have been adding these flowers and herbs to my smoke blends.
chamomile + lemon balm tea: i have been drinking this blend 1:1 ratio of each plant and have been pleasantly surprised and how the chamomile doesn’t take over the flavor of the lemon balm - the flavor feels balanced and this tea supports me in feeling at ease.
remember my honey wine that i started about one month and a half ago? it is looking good and ready for the second bottling in the fermentation process, I will keep you all posted and try and share images.
The episode 6 replay of the dream suppport hotline is now available, I deeply enjoyed working on this episode and am so excited to share it with you!
Thank you for reading. I am wishing you a beautiful loving weekend.
love,
Charmaine